Cowgirls & Fashion

It’s Monday. Monday is not a day for controversial topics. So today I will discuss something funny – my Midwestern rear-end and my struggles to outfit it.

Cowboy and I had some friends that got married this weekend. The wedding was beautiful and the reception was a blast. It took place in Valentine, Nebraska, a town semi-famous for its western wear store, Young’s. So while we were there, we decided we might as well stop in and have a look-see.

They were having a rather large Father’s Day Sale, which was nice, but fancy western wear is still expensive, as are quality pairs of boots, so despite the good 45 minutes we spent trying on oodles of pairs, he decided he didn’t need to buy a pair. During those 45 minutes of boot shopping, I concluded that our children are going to have legitimately ugly feet. I have long, fat toes that I can pick up pencils with, and so much arch to my foot it looks like I only have toes and a heel. Cowboy’s feet look like flippers; he has long, fat toes that he can also pick things up with, and really narrow heels. I’ll reiterate, our kids are destined to have ugly feet. Sorry future baby Bolands.

However, I blew out my favorite pair of jeans earlier this week, so I was down to two pairs, neither of which I particularly enjoy wearing. (Which is why my other ones got so thin they ripped out).
I have a couple of pairs of “skinny jeans” that I like, but they require wearing impractical shoes (because they obviously look funny with my normal tennis shoes) so I save them for occasions where the dress requirement is business casual.
So here’s what I don’t like about the two pairs of jeans that are normal blue-jeans:

      1) The pair of Wranglers that I have are very severe. To avoid the “butt gap” that I’ve had with other jeans, I bought these a little high in the waist. However, my extremely short torso makes high-waisted jeans uncomfortable to sit in for long periods of time.

Explanation of the “butt gap”: jeans that don’t fit right in the waist, so when you sit down, the back waistline of your jeans gaps out enough for people to drop things in it, you know, like ice cubes and pencils and that kind of thing. They can also see your undies/buttcrack, and I don’t know about the rest of you, but if I wanted people to be able to see that, I just wouldn’t wear pants.

See, clearly these things didn't bother me as a child - none
of us wore pants!

       2)The pair of Amethyst jeans I have are too big in the hips. I don’t know if I lost weight or if the jeans stretched (I gain weight looking at food so I’m pretty sure they stretched), but this particular brand of jeans fits such that by the time I get them to fit over my hips and thighs, they’re too big in the waist and I have to wear a belt. This, again, creates the uncomfortable pinching sensation when I sit for long periods of time.

       3)Also, Amethyst clearly does not believe in the usefulness of pockets. They are extremely shallow and come with an obnoxious button flap on the rear ones. You can’t put anything in them. Phone, keys, money, nothing.

I guess I’ll be wearing the Wranglers on a more regular basis… I’ll try losing some weight to see if that makes them more comfortable. Stay tuned for that battle.

So, with some of these qualities in mind, I was faced with trying to find a new pair of jeans. While fit is a huge issue, I also have to factor in price, quality, and style. Cowboy was very patient with me while I struggled and cussed and stomped back and forth from shelf to dressing room. He appreciated my modeling efforts and would have bought me every pair of jeans I tried on if it would have made me smile.
I tried on another pair of Wranglers that were very much on sale. I was impressed with the fit, but the pockets had some weird, three pronged stitching design on them that reached across one’s rear to meet with the side seam and it just looked odd. I couldn’t get over it.
So I moved on to try on some Cruel Girls. I used to have a pair I just loved, and after I think, ten years, they just couldn’t be patched anymore. I couldn’t find a size on the sale rack that fit, or didn’t have crazy “washed out” patterns on them. You know how they do that weird thing where they accentuate the natural creases your jeans make at your joints and whatnot? Well one had so much “definition” at the backs of my knees that it looked like I’d splashed them with bleach. Had to say no to those.

I usually consider these two brands because they use high quality, heavier denim and don’t go crazy with the blingy butt pockets. Not seeing anything I liked, I opted to branch out.

Glad I didn't end up with a pair with this unfortunate
design on them! My brothers would have
 lauuuuggghhheed!

The poster on the inside of the dressing room featured a girl in Cowgirl Tuff jeans. I carefully analyzed her butt to see if it looked anything like mine. The biggest mistake you can make is assuming that the jeans/hair/dress/blouse will make you look like the model. You have to already look similar to get the desired effect. Learned that one the hard way…lots of times. I decided that they were at least worth a try.

The first pair I tried on was certainly comfy – they fit right in all the right places, and I didn’t have to do the “suck in, wiggle, squirm, hike leg, squat, wiggle” routine to get in them. But they had uber blingy butt pockets and were “distressed” in the front to the point that they kinda looked trashy. Based on the price tag, I was not impressed with already getting a half-worn out pair of jeans.

The nice saleslady helped me find a pair of the same brand and same size that weren’t “distressed” and had some nice stitching on the pockets rather than rhinestones that are likely to pop off. I tried them on and did the “sit down, bend over, squat down” routine to see how they moved. I liked them. Cowboy’s appreciative eye-brow wiggle sealed the deal. I bought them and took them home. I’ve sat through half of a day of work in them and so far I’m comfy. The sale price tag was still more than I would typically pay for a pair of jeans, but apparently comfort, style and durability are worth more than I had estimated, but so far, like I said, I’m impressed.

So, that’s what happens when a cowgirl tries to go shopping. :D